How long have I been in this room? How long have I been sitting in the dark? I can’t see anything, not even my own hands. It’s just black. Just black, empty air everywhere. There’s nothing to look at and I’ve almost forgotten what it is to see. I’ve been in this room so long. I try to dig deep into my memory and remember…a flower, any flower. I can’t picture one. What does a flower look like? I can remember how it feels. Petals soft and powdery. So very delicate. I can remember the smell. That beautiful, sweet tiny smell. But I can’t picture one. I can’t see one. I’ll be in this darkness forever.

I can feel it there.

I know there’s something at the foot of my bed. Each night I know it’s there. I can’t see it, I don’t need to see it. I can feel it. I can feel the corner of the bed pushed down by it’s weight. It’s just there. All night. Lingering in the dark. Watching me. I have my head buried in my blankets. It’s so hot, I can hardly breathe, I’m so sick of the smell of my own breath, I just want fresh air. I don’t want to see it. Every night it sits there. And every night I burrow into my bed wishing I could sink lower. Down into the mattress and away from it…the thing that sits on the corner of my bed. Every. Single. Night.

The Possum

There is a possum that sits on my husband’s chest at night. I can reach over and touch it. I can feel it’s coarse fur and sharp teeth. It looks at me and smiles, sinking lower into his chest. It isn’t real. It isn’t there. And yet I see it’s eyes shine. It isn’t real. It isn’t there. 

It isn’t real. 

It isn’t there.

Close your eyes. 

It isn’t real. 

Close your eyes. 

It isn’t there. 

Calm down. 

Close your eyes. 

Breathe slower. In. Out. In. Out. In…it’s still there. Staring at me. 

Smiling at me.

Clever Little Witch.

Once upon a time there was a clever witch. This clever witch had come of age and was preparing to sign her name in the coven’s grimoire. In doing so she signed her soul away to the dark lord in exchange for the gifts of a witch. This clever little witch wasn’t sure if she was quite ready for a such a commitment and she devised a very clever solution. She would sign her name in goat’s blood and claim it as her own. When the dark lord came to claim her soul his claim would be void and he would instead claim the goat. Such a clever idea from such a clever witch.

The special night came and the clever little witch signed her name in the goat’s blood. Her coven was none the wiser. Her plan had worked and she silently applauded her own wit and cunning.

The dark lord is not to be tricked. The dark lord is not to be tricked by a clever little witch.

A lunar cycle passed and the clever little witch enjoyed her new gifted power from her dark lord. As the next full moon approached the clever little witch began to experience pain in her soft little feet.

The full moon grew closer and closer and with each night the clever little witch’s feet swelled more and more. Her scalp began to itch and ache. Her lovely little hands burned with pain. Her spine began to curve and hunch her pretty little frame over. Each night it was harder for the clever little witch to straighten her back and move her fingers and toes.

The full moon appeared high in the sky. The coven gathered in the grove to soak in the moon’s light and power. The clever little witch; now bent onto all fours, unable to move her toes and fingers, with a bursting pain in her scalp, let out one long, sad scream. The long, sad scream of the clever little witch turned into a bleat. Her sisters screeched in confusion as their clever little witch writhed and twisted. A goat. The clever little witch was no more. Now a clever little goat took her place in the coven’s circle.

The dark lord will not be tricked. The dark lord will not be tricked by even the cleverest of little witches.

Date Night

They walk into the movie theater. He is so excited to go out for once with her, usually she is such a homebody. She prefers to stay at home, something he just doesn’t understand. She turns heads. All attention is on her when she enters a room. It doesn’t surprise him, she is so beautiful. He smiles proudly as they buy their popcorn and take their seats. She is so statuesque. He wonders how she can always look so perfect and poised. The movie ends and he helps her into the car like the gentleman he is. The people at the theater are left to wonder about the man with the doll that he calls his wife.

They’d Lock You Up.

The old woman smiled that sweet, warm smile. The one that made me feel warm and safe.

She said “I’d catch a little mouse and one by one I would cut off it’s tiny toes with my dull pocket knife. When it’s screaming started to irritate me…I’d snap it’s furry neck with just a quick flick.” She chuckled softly.

“Now a days they’d lock you up for doing things like that.” she whispered.

I hate light at night.

I hate light at night. When there is light I can see things. Things no one would want to see. My bedroom must be as dark as possible because any light invites them. If I can’t see them I can pretend they aren’t there. Even the smallest sliver of light sneaking in between the curtains gives them a spot. A spot to be visible. A spot to torment me again. These things that I see, they don’t go away when a light is cast on them. They stand in the light brashly. Knowing there is nothing I can do. Knowing that I can’t breathe. Knowing that as a tear runs down my terrified check they will disappear as quickly as they came. I know that tomorrow night they will be back, searching for that sliver of light. That tiny little sliver where I will have to see them again. Night after night after night after night after night they are there. The things I see at night.